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10 Steps to forgive your mother for dying - Anne Elliot

CW/TW: death, suicide



1. Cry. A lot.

2. Grieve what you had that is now lost.

3. Grieve what you will never have.

4. Understand that her decision had nothing to do with you.

5. Understand that, as a child, there is nothing you could have done.

6. Understand that pain can be blinding, and death can seem like the only way out.

7. Understand that your existence didn’t make her life harder. As a brown, single,

immigrant woman, she taught you the meaning of courage, hope, and resilience.

8. Understand that those around her did not have the capacity to give her the support she

needed, which is why they are unlikely to support you, either.

9. Remember the ways in which she loved you: her beaming face; the touch of her hand on

your head; the taste of fried bread, apricots, and spices; the ways in which you learned to

love yourself.

10. Repeat.


Bio: Anne Elliott (she/her) is a Canadian East Coaster of mixed Indian and Norwegian descent. She holds a BSc in environmental science and is currently studying creative writing. She resides in Vancouver, British Columbia, where she is never far from the sea. She can be reached on twitter @anneswriting.

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