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Shawn Berman

RUMOR HAS IT THAT THE BLUE LIGHT EMANATING FROM YOUR

SMARTPHONE CAN NOT ONLY RUIN YOUR EYES BUT IT CAN ALSO

DISTORT YOUR SLEEPING PATTERNS MAKING IT HARDER TO

PASS OUT AT NIGHT


but that’s ok

i’m not really worried about that kinda stuff since

i’m unemployed & have nowhere to be so i can sleep in as late as i want & spend the rest of my

day watching nothing but disney channel original movies from the late 90s, early aughths.

speaking of dcoms,

have y’all ever seen johnny tsunami,

the one about the super rad surfer kid from hawaii who moves to vermont & becomes this badass

snowboarder overnight?

i’m not gonna lie the movie is hella inspirational & i probably cried like 3 times watching it

which is nearly twice as many cries

as when i learned about penguins and how

81% of king penguins choose a different mate every season

& actually don’t mate for life like we were made out to believe.

it just seems like nothing is sacred anymore

& if penguins don’t even stick it out

then how are me and you supposed to make things work in the long run

when we can’t even get on the same page

about whether or not apple’s popularization of the emoji killed off the classic emoticons that we

all know and love.

fun fact: apple totally did

& there’s no way you can change my mind

#teamclassicemoticon \m/


Bio:

Shawn Berman runs The Daily Drunk. His recent work has appeared or is forthcoming in HobartRejection Letters, and Stone of Madness Press. Follow him on Twitter @sbb_writer.

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