RUMOR HAS IT THAT THE BLUE LIGHT EMANATING FROM YOUR
SMARTPHONE CAN NOT ONLY RUIN YOUR EYES BUT IT CAN ALSO
DISTORT YOUR SLEEPING PATTERNS MAKING IT HARDER TO
PASS OUT AT NIGHT
but that’s ok
i’m not really worried about that kinda stuff since
i’m unemployed & have nowhere to be so i can sleep in as late as i want & spend the rest of my
day watching nothing but disney channel original movies from the late 90s, early aughths.
speaking of dcoms,
have y’all ever seen johnny tsunami,
the one about the super rad surfer kid from hawaii who moves to vermont & becomes this badass
i’m not gonna lie the movie is hella inspirational & i probably cried like 3 times watching it
which is nearly twice as many cries
as when i learned about penguins and how
81% of king penguins choose a different mate every season
& actually don’t mate for life like we were made out to believe.
it just seems like nothing is sacred anymore
& if penguins don’t even stick it out
then how are me and you supposed to make things work in the long run
when we can’t even get on the same page
about whether or not apple’s popularization of the emoji killed off the classic emoticons that we
all know and love.
fun fact: apple totally did
& there’s no way you can change my mind
Shawn Berman runs The Daily Drunk. His recent work has appeared or is forthcoming in Hobart, Rejection Letters, and Stone of Madness Press. Follow him on Twitter @sbb_writer.