From Maruyama Okyo's painting The Ghost of Oyuki, 1750
I deserve all of this,
the way she enchantingly
haunts within me. I can still
picture her eyes closed
blinking with neglect
I never interested in seeing
all she desires behind her
pupils, it’s in the darkness
when I feel her again, deserving
all of this, I pushed her away
so many times, she waited
for me so beautifully
ready and all I could
share was a contempt
of silence. Now that she
appears like an apparition
in my dreams, she’s more
than a ghost, now she is
the most stunning spark.
I can feel her glowing in
someone else’s eyes,
I deserve all this, not wanting
to sleep, wake up to feel
this black hole in my chest
take away the memory
of her most vibrating
presence, she was a gift
I never unwrapped, I ignored
her, never treasured the moments
we were this close as a bride
and groom, although
she has flown off, I feel
her floating in my mind,
sleepless even seeing her
closed eyes, deserving all
of this, the way she eternally
shines in my mind, the love
I never wanted to reveal
so distant, remain I am
myself, a shadow every
night trying to conjure
up her porcelain face
and all that remains is a blur
of a photograph, that never was.
Adrian Ernesto Cepeda is the author of Flashes & Verses… Becoming Attractions from Unsolicited Press, the chapbook So Many Flowers, So Little Time from Red Mare Press and La Belle Ajar from CLASH Books.
Adrian is an LA Poet who lives with his wife and their cat Woody Gold. http://www.adrianernestocepeda.com/